SOUTHEAST ASIA: How in the world - 3

The penultimate post--about GEAR--from the Chids' Great SEA Adventure of 2023-2024, an analysis of the things we've carried and chosen not to carry--both material and immaterial

This is part 3 of a three-part series. To start with Part 1, click here.

Regrets? I have a few.

We have been in Southeast Asia for nearly three months, after all, our first real foray into long-term nomadic travel. Of course, we’ve had to learn a few things the hard way.

My handy little waterproof field book journal is full of notes I’ve made along the way, notes on the gear—and the attitudes—we’ve benefitted from, the things we’ve had to pick up along the way, and the things—and mindsets—I’d do better to leave behind next time.

THINGS I SHOULDN'T HAVE BROUGHT

Most of the unnecessary gear items haven't taken up too much space. They are merely an inconvenience, things I don't need, but don't want to discard, either.

• Foldable bluetooth keyboard? Never used it once.

• Travel chopsticks in their own handy little carrying case and the all-in-one fork/spoon/knife? We have never been in a place where we lacked basic utensils.

• Expensive bar shampoo and fancy leak-proof vented soap dish to carry it around in? It was an impulsive last-minute purchase. The vendor at the craft fair had said my hair would adjust to it. I lasted six weeks—hating the look and feel of my own hair, patiently waiting for it to “adjust”— before I broke down and bought a bottle of shampoo. But I do like that soap dish.

• High-security money belt to conceal my cash, credit cards, and passport? Outside of taking minimal protections from petty pickpockets in big city crowds (keeping my valuables in a sturdy cross-body bag), I have never felt that prickly sense of danger here Southeast Asia. I will honestly miss feeling this safe all the time—especially as a woman—when I return to the United States.

• Pants with no fasteners on the pockets? The one pair of pants I brought, a lightweight nylon/poly blend pair of olive green cargo pants with elasticized ankles and waistband, have turned out to be a nuisance because things fall right back out of the pockets whenever I sit down. So I just don't use the pockets, which really defeats the purpose. The pants are comfortable and dry quickly on the clothesline, but I won't use them again for travel. SIDENOTE: Andy and I both have found ourselves noting other people’s pants; analyzing their fabric; pocket size, placement, and closures; and trying to catch glimpses of the brand names without making it look like we were checking out their backsides, haha.

THINGS I REPLACED WITH SOMETHING BETTER

Other things we brought had to be replaced with something else that better fit our circumstances. We’ve never done this kind of travel before, we would remind ourselves, and counted the expenses as tuition fees that must be paid for taking coursework to acquire new knowledge.

• Our nice, newish, lightweight raincoats? They are made of mid-range tech fabric—not top of the line, but definitely not cheap gear, either. They perform great in the cooler weather we often encounter in the United States, but in the steamy heat of Southeast Asia, they were less than ideal. True, we were protected from the torrential downpours we encountered in Singapore and Malaysia, but we exchanged the rain on the outside for being drenched with sweat on the inside of the jackets. We mailed them back to the U.S.A. early in the trip, along with our fancy clothing from the Malaysian wedding, some of Andy’s computer tech gear, and an extra pair of shoes I quickly concluded I didn't need. In place of the raincoats, we purchased cheap, compact umbrellas, which broke after only a few uses. As soon as we’d replaced the ‘disposable’ umbrellas with sturdier ones, the rain dried up and we’ve not needed rain protection since.

• Microfiber washcloths? Yes, you need to bring your own washcloths. I am not sure what locals use to clean themselves, but we have not stayed at a single hotel that provided any sort of washcloth or scrunchy, scrubby thing. Yes, microfiber dries quickly, which is why I picked up two of them at a thrift shop just before we left home, but they are a bad idea all around. They don't move soap around well at all, they don't lather, and they do hold odors like grudges. Bad. We replaced ours with some thin and cheap cotton ones and have been completely satisfied, even though they don’t dry as fast.

• The skirt I packed with the jagged hemline—long in some parts and barely knee-length in others—and no pockets? Nope and nope. Some places that are considered holy sites require very modest dress to enter. And pockets? Well, duh. I found another skirt, far more practical, but have no room for two long skirts in my pack. Taking advantage of the barter culture in Thailand, where haggling is acceptable, I literally traded the skirt I was wearing as part of the purchase price for the new one. I am confident my old skirt was hung on the rack as soon as I left the store.

PRACTICAL THINGS I PURCHASED ALONG THE WAY

Some things, beyond basic consumables like purse packs of toilet tissue and my own tea bags, had to be acquired along the journey, for various reasons.

• We both realized quickly we needed a sturdy cross-body day bag that could be worn securely in the front or slung around to the back. We had brought along flimsy nylon day packs that cram down into their own fist-sized stuff bags, and we still used those for beach days or travel days, as they can hold a lot of stuff. But carrying your daily essentials in a flimsy backpack means they are out of easy reach for you, while at the same time easily accessible to any potential pickpockets in a crowd. My new bag is a sturdy fabric with heavy-duty seams, a boxy vertical format so it can easily accommodate my Kindle, a small water bottle, and my insect repellent or sunblock, plus my journal and pen, passport, lip balm, pack of tissues for public toilets, and a small pack of cleansing wipes. Andy’s bag is a longer, horizontal style, which better accommodates his daily stuff. My bag isn't at all pretty, as I’d hoped, but it does its job well.

• To accompany my new day bag, I purchased a simple flat wallet—slots for three cards and a zipper pocket for cash. It is compact and fits perfectly in one of the pockets, even clipping into place for security—which also keeps me from fumbling and dropping it as I leaf through the unfamiliar cash within.

• When we were spending time in the islands, it didn't take me long to realize I needed a thin cotton sarong. I shopped on an island in Thailand, careful to choose a pattern that coordinated well with all three of my short-sleeved tops, so my 1980s sense of matchy-matchy aesthetics wouldn't be offended. A sarong comes in handy for so many things—a swimsuit cover-up, a casual skirt, a shawl when the sun is beating down or the A/C is turned up too high, a head covering in a pinch, a quick-drying towel, a pillow when in transit, a makeshift bag to carry several loose items. It has been a valuable addition to my kit and doesn't take up much space.

• Soon after we arrived, I also purchased a small pair of scissors with their own cute little protective case, clearly intended for young school children. They have come in handy so many times for so many different tasks of daily travel life, just as they do at home, but I knew I couldn't fly with them, so I waited until I arrived. The case keeps them closed and safe in my pack.

• One of the best purchases I made when we first arrived was to buy a lightweight vinyl bag, rectangular in shape, about 12” x 18” x 6” deep. It folds flat into the back of my pack, only coming out on laundry day. We each carry out own small bag for dirty clothes in our packs, but this bag is the perfect size for five day’s worth of both of our clothes. And with a zippered top and sturdy fabric handle, nothing is at risk of spilling out as we take our precious laundry to the front desk of the hotel or march it down the street to the laundry lady.

BONUS ITEMS I AM SO GLAD I BROUGHT

There are other items in my pack that are optional, not essential for our trip, but I am so glad I did bring them, even though they add bulk and weight and/or came at a great price.

• The portable mosquito net we hang if the room is buggy was not expensive and doesn't weigh much. It is bulky, and it takes up a fair amount of space in my pack, but I know myself. I don't sleep well if I am concerned about mosquitoes in areas where they carry malaria and dengue. So for me it is worth it. We have only used it a dozen or so nights, but I was so glad I had it for those times. (HINT: buy some of those removable adhesive strips and hooks to hang it from the ceiling and remove it again without leaving a mark)

• The silk bed liners we use if the bed and/or pillow seems less than hygienic. I did pay a little extra for 100% silk instead of a synthetic or a blend, but the temperature regulating properties of silk are worth the upgrade, in my opinion. And yes, get one that is roomy enough that you don't get wrapped up in it.

• Our water bottles, I will admit, cost a pretty penny. We paid nearly a hundred dollars each for them, which makes my frugal brain cringe, even to type it. Why so expensive, you ask? They have a dual action filter built-in so we can drink any water, from any source, anywhere. This has been a game-changer for us, being able to fill up our bottles with tap water—or even creek water—wherever we are. Occasionally it doesn't taste that great, but our water is reliably clean and won't make us sick. The freedom that comes from knowing we are never truly out of clean drinking water (especially in this hot and humid climate!), nor do we have to keep buying disposable bottles, has been invaluable. And, of course, these bottles were not purchased for this trip only. They will serve us well in the future, as well.

• My lightweight athletic shoes (tennies/sneakers/joggers/trainers) were not cheap, either, but at least I found them on a good sale. Without a structured, molded heel cup, they crush down nice and flat. Strapped together with a couple of sturdy rubber bands, I can tuck them into a plastic bag and they fit perfectly in the bottom of my pack. Plus, they are adjustable slip-ons, easy to get on and off (important for Asia, where shoes are not worn indoors), and comfortable enough to walk for hours on end. And I like the color.

• I replaced my Chaco sandals—which were still perfectly good—before this trip. Again, my frugal sensibilities were highly offended by this, but I had the feeling I would regret bringing my old pair, which had the big toe loops, and would wish I had a pair with no toe loops instead, in case I wanted to wear them with socks. My hunch was correct. There have been several times I was glad for that decision.

• Our Turkish towels are nice to have, even though we technically could survive just fine without them. We rarely use them for just bath towels, as most hotels have towels provided (only one has not), but they are great for the pool and the beach. They are generously sized, but fold down nice and compact, and they dry quickly. Yes, they are worthy of the hype.

• Packing cubes. Yes. Get them and use them. They save so much space and add so much helpful organization. I would not want to travel without them, even if I had a roomier pack or suitcase.

• On a recommendation from my friend, Nancy, I purchased a bottle of Para-Gard capsules (yellow) and another of basic activated charcoal (black). She uses them when traveling in India. These two, the yellow and the black, became good friends of ours. Every time we have even the slightest rumble of tummy trouble, we take a yellow and a black. The yellows can be repeated every few hours if symptoms persist. The blacks we are more stingy with, as they dry up excess liquids and we don't want to risk dehydration. Both have been worth their weight in gold. Except for the time I really did pick up a yucky parasite from accidentally ingesting the wrong water, they have kept us healthy through nearly a hundred days of eating out—unfamiliar foods in unfamiliar places—much of it street food. (And a pharmacist was able to give me a course of metronidazole, exactly what I needed to quickly and inexpensively take care of the parasite issue, too.)

• The sleep mask my mom loaned me at the last minute, as well as my inflatable neck pillow, have been a great addition to my kit. Neither take up much space, and both have aided me in getting much-needed rest in transit.

• I haven't used my laundry supplies nearly as much as I had assumed I would. It’s not been expensive to have someone do a whole load for us in most places we’ve been, once a week or so. But when we have needed to wash out a few things, I have been glad to have a length of clothesline to string up in the hotel room, as well as some dry detergent sheets that dissolve in water—lightweight and easy to pack.

THINGS I’D DO DIFFERENTLY, GIVEN THE CHANCE

Other things I regret bringing along have taken up way too much space—but not in my backpack; in my brain. All of them have had to be either discarded or replaced with something more suitable.

• My stubborn insistence on depriving ourselves of perfectly affordable things and experiences we would truly enjoy, so we could stick to a bare-bones budget I’d made up without a single milliliter of experience. My default mode can easily tend towards frugal to a fault. I have had to learn to loosen up a bit and enjoy. An occasional $5 meal instead of my preferred $2 option is not the end of the world, nor is $30 spent on a hotel room when I really want to keep my average closer to $20.

• The endless hours of research on lodging and transportation options, every couple of days, that could have been spent on something else more interesting—or sleep. Reviews are highly subjective and circumstances change often. I probably would have had about the same success rate with making great choices (about 65% were glowingly positive for us) if I only put half the time and effort into studying before choosing.

• The exhausting effort we have put into seeing as much as we possibly could of six different countries in only 12 weeks. We only boarded a flight once during that whole time, using slow boats and trains, buses, motor scooters, bicycles, taxis, tuktuks, and our own feet for the rest of it. The pace has not been sustainable, but the generalized sense of FOMO (fear of missing out) has too frequently driven us to keep going, keep seeing, keep doing, even when we are nearing our red zones of fatigue. Time and again we remind each other that we just can't see it all, but then proceed to try anyway. In more recent weeks, we have been more willing to let go of our expectations to see all the must-sees so we can truly enjoy our days. Exhaustion occasionally is manageable, but not as a lifestyle, day in and day out.

PRACTICAL THINGS I’VE HAD TO LEARN ALONG THE WAY

Learning and growing is an organic process. It’s not enough to read a book and think you have learned everything you need to know. Some things just develop naturally, as you make mistakes and learn from them.

• We learned the hard way, early in this trip, that we need to aquire and fiercely protect two quite opposite habits to preserve the health of our marriage. First, we need to linger over meals occasionally, with the purpose of making sure the air is clear between us, relationally, and we are on the same page as we go into our next travel day or set of experiences. And second, we need to give each other the space and freedom to spend a few hours or even most of a day apart. Each time we do this, we each come back refreshed with plenty to talk about. We are solidly best friends, that is certain, but being travel partners can be a little much sometimes. Every relationship needs some room to breathe.

• We have also discovered that we need to rely more on the hotel front desk staff and other lodging owners to help us make arrangements. They are the local fixers who can get the best prices and understand the nuances of the language and culture. For too long, we depended on our American sense of rugged individualism (or couplism?), as if we know best and shouldn't trust anyone else. The opposite has proven true, time and time again. We didn't pack this level of trust with us. We have had to pick it up along the way, a little bit here, a little bit there.

• We have had to acquire the habit of not scheduling tight connections when we travel. The American way, it seems, is to cram as much productivity into a day as humanly possible, and then add just a little more. But travel connections don't always work as planned. We have learned that we are so much more relaxed when we have allowed ourselves way more time than we think we need to make a connection. If the train is delayed and our one-hour-early arrival becomes two hours, who cares? We can relax over a beverage and read a book. Allowing quite a few hours of layover time in airports gives us a chance to stretch our legs, relax over a meal, catch up on some communication, and freshen up. And if we have to check our bags, which happens occasionally, a longer layover allows more time for them to catch up with us, should they get misplaced.

A FOND FAREWELL TO OUR TEACHERS

As we prepare to leave Southeast Asia, a place we have grown to love, I must acknowledge how much we have also loved to grow. We have learned so much here. We have become better travelers, yes, but more importantly, we have become better human beings.

The region has proven to be a gentle training ground, the instructors kind-hearted, helpful, and patient. We have learned something new from every bus, train, boat, tuktuk, and motor scooter ride, as well as every hotel, hostel, and homestay; every restaurant and street vendor. Our lives have been enriched and our hearts expanded by rubbing shoulders with other travelers from all around the world.

Thank you, Singapore, Malaysia, Thailand, Cambodia, Laos, and Vietnam, for going easy on us, for helping us gradually break into this new life as full-time nomads. Your beauty and kindness have touched our hearts forever.

Until next week,

Sherry